The Cubicle’s Backporch

If there’s one thing that can piss me off beyond anything, it’s bad customer service. (and people who go IN the OUT door, and when people leave carts in the parking lot, and… well, maybe it’s more than one thing)

Maybe it’s because when I worked for Restaurant, the customer was always right. Even when they were stealing toilet paper out of the bathroom, or when they ate their whole meal then complained about it… it didn’t matter. They were always right. And really? That’s the way to making people happy. I don’t mean the ass-wipes who steal the toilet paper or get a free meal… but the people around them who hear these ass-wipes getting treated with respect. Because in the eavesdroppers mind, if the ass-wipes are getting treated with respect, they will too.

Today at lunch, I went to Menards. Menards is similiar to Lowes or Home Depot, but they have great prices and great deals. So I love to go their on my lunch break and see what I can find.

Menards also has tile for 68¢ a square foot. (Which is a GREAT price, and it’s not horribly ugly)

So, today I went to buy a piece of the 68¢ tile (so Mr. C could inspect it), along with paint supplies, cabinet knobs and cabinet hinges.

I found everything easily enough and went to the checkout lane. The woman (probably 40s or so) was obviously not enthused about being there, but whatever, I can understand not liking your job. So, I set my pile of stuff down (strategically stacked so I didn’t have to push a cart) and she looks at it like I just took shit on her counter.

Seriously. She looked at my pile of stuff for a good ten seconds (which is a long time in people-starin-at-your-shit-time). I started to wonder if I did something wrong. So I picked up my piece of tile and flipped it over so she could scan the barcode. She scans it and it won’t read, and she STARES at me while I try to figure out what the HELL she wants me to do about it. I stand there, holding the tile for a couple more seconds and finally I say: “Uh, did it scan?” And she says “NO.” like it was all my fault for picking up this faulty piece of tile.

So, I give her my best ‘what the fuck am I supposed to do’ face and put the tile down on her counter. She then picks it up and types in the UPC number. Nothing.

She tries again.

Nothing.

So, she sets it to the side, turns her little blinking light on and continues to scan all my items. I watch her screen for prices but nothing shows up, so I assumed that I wasn’t looking at the right area. She scans ALL of my items (20!!!!) and looks at her screen and says “Why didn’t you tell me nothing was ringing up?!” And I stammer “uh, uh, I didn’t know.”

So she takes everything out of the bag and re-scans them. Now, at this point, any sensible person would WATCH the screen to make sure that the prices are scanning in. Nope. She scans all 20 items again, before noticing that they HADN’T SCANNED IN AGAIN.

Seriously. I’m not making this shit up.

So, ends up I had TWO items that would not ring in. So, after scanning the remaining items (and making sure they actually rang up), we stood there for TEN MINUTES while her Somethings-Fucked-Up light blinked. Meanwhile, there’s a manager right next to us watching someone ring something in. Uh yeah.

The cashier turns to me and says “Well, at least my line’s gone. Maybe I CAN leave by 1:00.” Nothing I love hearing more than someone bitch about their job.

So, during this ten minutes, a woman walks up to this manager to tell her that she waited for 10 minutes (ah-ha! It’s a theme!) at the paint counter and watched a sales associate walk past her and talk on her cell phone.

That’s when the manager made her mistake. She responds:

“Oh. Well, I’m sure she was talking to another customer.”

NEVER make excuses for bad (or maybe bad) employees. NEVER. Apologize! OVER AND OVER!

To which the woman replied that no, she was talking on her cell phone, behind the counter, and she was in a time crunch and really needed help and there was no one to help her.

And the manager repeated “Well, I’m sure she was talking to a phone customer.”

A couple more minutes go by until my cashier actually says something to the manager about needing some help. The manager grabs one of my items and takes it. 5 minutes later, she’s still talking to someone trying to get the UPC code.

So, if you’re keeping track, I stood at this checkout counter for 15 minutes. She gets the UPC code which pops up the price (It was $3.26, in case you’re wondering), then gets ready to call someone about the tile.

“It’s 68 cents,” I say in a pleading voice. When I really wanted to tell her that she’s wasted enough of my time and just give me the fuckin tile for free.

She sighs and tells the cashier to ring it up for 68 cents. And finally, FINALLY I get to leave that place.

Seriously. I wanted to hurt someone. And tell that manager that her store was a piece of shit and she needed to hire competent employees.

Tonight I’m in Room 419 in Michigan.

I’m starting to think that watching too much HGTV is bad for you. I have all sorts of projects in my head.

The whole ‘wall street bailout’ thing pisses me off. Washington Mutual’s CEO worked 17 days and walked away with 19 million dollars. So now, WE, people who make like less than 1/10 of 1% of that, are bailing out his fucked up company. How is that LEGAL?

Back to HGTV now. At least it keeps my mind busy and I don’t think how our government is constantly fucking us.

So your guesses (and reasonings) were pretty fun. Thanks for the entertainment. Now for the answers:

1.) Which of the following statements is true:

2. My mom had to threaten me in order to get me to wear a bra, and I would run home after school, take it off, and throw it behind the bathroom door hoping it would get ‘lost’.

Yes, I am a ‘boob girl’. But back then? I was POSITIVE that the bra was going to get in the way of my life. (And hello? What would the boys think if they knew I was wearing a bra. SO embarrassing!)

People who got this question right:

Bekah, Mike, Shania, Sweetly Single, and my MOM.

——————-

2.) What did I ask for for my 13th birthday?

1. A pig

I grew up raising pigs, and I wanted one of my very own. So I picked one out, named her Bruiser (for her black and blue face), used to hold her when she was a baby, and she grew up to be a 200 or so pound sow.

On a side note- yes, I wanted a horse, but horses were expensive, so a pig was a little more doable.

People who got this question right:

The Wife, and Hank

————————–

3.) My first boyfriend was…

3. A kid who at the time (6th grade) had already failed two grades.

Yes, my very first boyfriend was a kid with earrings and saggy pants whose first name was “TK”. We ‘went out’ for like a week, and when we broke up, I was just broken hearted. Nothing’s sexier than a kid who has the potential to have his license in the 7th grade. hee hee.

People who got this question right:

Kel, Shania, The Wife, and Hank

—————————-

4.) What is the one thing I have not done:

4. Saw Pet Cemetery and Weeds.

Yes, I had my tongue pierced when I was a sophomore in college. I then took it out my senior year b/c I needed to look professional.

Work sent me to France back in February 2008. That’s the best way to travel- all expenses paid. The Louvre, Notre Dame, etc… it was all paid for by the company we were there to see.

One year my family went to Florida for Christmas. It was a lot of fun and being in warm(er) weather in December was a nice change.

I have never seen Pet Cemetery (although it was all the rage when I was younger) or Weeds (which a lot of people talk about now).

People who got this question right:

Sweetly Single, and my MOM.

And an honorable mention to Slynnro, who didn’t get a damn one right.

So today is Friday, which means it was Weight Loss Update Day. Today’s tip is about bread! You can scroll down to my “Pages” on the right hand side and click “Weight Loss Page” or click HERE. (Or not, like I said, it’s more for me and a way to pat myself on the back- or kick myself in the ass)

Jennifer Trivia

I’m going to wait until Monday to post my answers to Jennifer Trivia. Click HERE to guess at my questions! I CAN tell you that so far no one has answered all four questions correctly.

Best Comment Quote from Previous Post:

“You strike me as someone excited about bras…”

from Mike.

Because I’m not really sure how to take that…

Let’s play Jennifer Trivia! Yay!

 1.) Which of the following statements is true:

1. I was so excited to wear a bra that I begged my mom to buy me a training bra.
2. My mom had to threaten me in order to get me to wear a bra, and I would run home after school, take it off, and throw it behind the bathroom door hoping it would get ‘lost’.
3. I used to wear two bras in order to make myself look bigger. In the 3rd grade.

2.) What did I ask for for my 13th birthday?

1. A pig
2. A cow
3. A horse
4. A turtle
5. A cat

3.) My first boyfriend was…

1. A great guy who grew up to become an architect.
2. A small-town guy who farms.
3. A kid who at the time (6th grade) had already failed two grades.

4.) What is the one thing I have not done:

1. Gotten my tongue pierced.
2. Been to France.
3. Drank whiskey.
4. Saw Pet Cemetery and Weeds.
5. Gotten a lap dance in Vegas.
6. Worked with someone who was in the WNBA
7. Worked with someone who played in the NFL
8. Went to Florida for Christmas

So put your answers in the comments and I’ll post the correct answers tomorrow. This is will be funny for people who know me AND don’t know me, so feel free to guess away!

Best Previous Post Comment Quote:

“LOL I’ll bet he was just thinking ….. oh ya how will that be used against me later?”

by Sweetly Single.

Because she was probably right…

slynnro style.

Scene: Mr. C has just stepped out of the shower. He’s butt-ass naked. (Isn’t butt-ass a weird phrase? You’re essentially saying the same thing twice. Hmm. Weird)

Mr. C reaches for a hand towel to dry off with.

Me: You can use the green bath towels babe.

He: (looking suspicious) But those are the decorative towels.

Me: Yes, but you can use them when there are no other towels available.

Sometimes there are no prouder moments when you realize that your pet boyfriend has finally picked up a new trick.

(And in case you’re wondering, he still used the hand towel to dry off with. I think he thought I was trying to bait him.)

Best Comment Quote from Last Post

“She does have great boobs! I also have fabulous boobs…”

from Melina.

because nothing’s more impressive than a girl who KNOWS she’s got great boobs.

This is gonna be another one of those probably-inappropriate posts. You’ve been warned.

 I like boobs. I like cleavage. I often admit (to certain company) that I am a boob girl. I love them. Probably because my modest B’s are only wonderful when I’m wearing a push-up bra. Mr. C jokes that if there is a girl in the room with great boobs, I notice her before he does.

I think it’s interesting how different women react to cleavage. Some women get offended. Some women watch for their husband/boyfriend/significantother to get an eyeful before yelling at them the rest of the night. Some women give the girl with great cleavage mean looks. And some women (like me) can respect another woman’s assets. If a woman is beautiful, I have no problem pointing her out to Mr. C and saying “Damn. That girl is hot.”

So, it was interesting when the new girlfriend of one of Mr. C’s friends came down to the lake a couple weekends ago. A girlfirend who was petite and had boobs like this:

Just great, perky boobs.

When we went over to LakeHusband and Lakewife’s house to play some cornhole (damn game!), and GreatBoobGirl was wearing a wifebeater, I laughed as all the guy’s eyes got big and they started beating on their chest and grunting at each other. I’ll even admit that I couldn’t stop staring whenever she would bend over to pick up a beanbag.

The boyfriend wasn’t impressed though, and they ended up heading back to our house before everyone else left. Once they left, us group of girls got together and agreed that she had great boobs and it was hard not to stare at them.

Ends up, the boyfriend was afraid that all the lake people were going to think that GreatBoobGirl was ’showing off’ and trying to get attention, which is probably how most females react in a normal setting. But at the lake, we’re pretty open and not afraid to compliment another chick, and MOST of the females don’t flip out when their man checks out another chick. (Because, to be fair, we do lots of ogling when a well-muscled male pulls up in a nice-ass boat!)

It’s funny that today, most women will attack the woman for looking good, rather than the boyfriend/husband for ogling her.

So my question to you is how do you view cleavage? If you catch your guy (or girl) looking, are you offended? Pretend not to notice? Or do you chalk it up to a guy-being-a guy? And if you have big boobs, does it get old when people stare at them? What about when girls stare at them?

And doesn’t the above chick have great boobs? (Yes, that’s her picture that I yanked from her myspace page, hopefully she doesn’t read my blog)

Best Comment Quote from Previous Post

“Do think if I added a Weight Loss page to my blog that it would immediately help me lose weight? I could sooooo go for that.”

from jyl at mommygossip.

Because I hope that my Weight Loss page keeps me on track. I can’t stand another fat season!!

I added The Weight Loss page. (Look to the right, under “Pages”) I also updated my Characters page AND my About Me page. So if you get bored, there’s more stuff to read.

I took this picture at the lake this past weekend. It’s now my laptop background b/c it seems so peaceful to me.

Taken Sept. 13, 2008.

Have a good weekend ya’ll.

Best Previous Post Comment Quote:

“I think TheShittyNeighbor needs a check up from the neck up.”

From Shania at Craving Silence.

Because she has no idea how right she is. He’s weird.

I’ve been ‘lucky’ in the fact that I’ve had the ‘priviledge’ of being immersed in the male world many a times. For one, I went to engineering school where there was usually only one or two other females in my classes. If I didn’t have male friends, I didn’t have friends.

This led to many interesting questions both ways, but that’s a whole other post. (’How do tampons, ya know, work?’- from them, and ‘Is it weird peeing next to other guys?’-from me)

This past weekend at the lake, I was, again, stuck in a sort of guys-night-out type thing. LakeHusband came down but LakeWife didn’t b/c she had homeowork. FriendDownTheRoad also came down, and his wife didn’t. So for the most part, it was FriendDownTheRoad, LakeHusband, Mr. C, and myself.

A quick side note: Remember the Lake House neighbor who took a shit behind LakeHusband’s garage? (From now on known as TheShittyNeighbor) Well, he and his wife came out on the boat with us. While out there, he managed to: pee while sitting on the front of the boat, talk about shitting on the boat (oh! the irony!), and make other weird comments. His wife, in an effort to show that the skirt on her bathing suit was indeed part of her bathing suit, pulled her bottoms down to show LakeHusband and FriendDownTheRoad her lady bits. Yeah.

So, later, the four of us were eating dinner and FriendDownTheRoad tells us that TheShittyNeighbor is constantly talking about what a disappointment his wife is in bed. He says that she has a great body and is just a huge disappointment. She has a (really fabulously done) boob job and he said that he can’t touch her nipples b/c they’re ‘too sensitive’ and if he goes down on her, he can’t lick her you-know-what b/c it’s too sensitive, so he has to lick above it. I guess he left her for a month or so and always talks about the woman he hooked up with and how great it was to be with a woman who actually liked having sex.

This led FriendDownTheRoad to say that he joked with his wife that she was ‘upping’ things up a notch b/c she was worried that he would say that she was a disappointment in bed. We all laughed at that.

 So now that I know about TheShittyNeighbor’s wife’s extreme sensitivity, I feel better. I’m sure you do too.

Best Previous Post Comment Quote:

“…just deep breath IN and then let it out….aaaaahahhhhh….”

-April at Thoughts In My Tumulutous Brain

b/c sometimes I need to be told to chill the hell out.

Remember my landlord passing away? Well, now our future (house-wise) is sort of unsure. We had planned on renting the house for around three years. The first year would be spent paying off credit cards (almost there!) and the next two would be spent saving for a down payment on a house.

Now, we’re not sure what plans his wife has for the house. Mr. C says that he thinks she’ll keep it b/c she sits in her house and we bring her a check every month and that’s it. But I know there’s more than that (property taxes! share-cropping the fields! etc!) so I can’t help but wonder if she’ll want to wash her hands of it all and just give the land to her kids, or sell it. If so, we’re screwed. We used most of our savings to pay for the down payment on The Lake House. So we’re in a tight spot right now. AND? It’s just not me, Mr. C, and the dog. Now it’s Jen, Mr. C, the inside dog, the outside dog, the cat, AND 20 chickens. Finding a place to rent for all of us could be difficult.

So, after wringing my hands for a couple of days, rocking back and forth, and mumbling ‘what are we going to DO’ over and over, Mr. C agreed that we should probably talk to his wife when we pay rent next month.

What Not To Say- Death Style. 

Remember the visitation for our landlord that I went to? Well, now I have something that should go in the “Apparently what NOT to say at the visitation” file.

In this scene: deceased Landlord’s son, deceased landlord’s grandson, and your favorite make-jokes-at-inappropriate-times blogger, ME.

Deceased landlords son: We really appreciate you guys taking care of the place.

Me: Oh, we love it up there, we wanted to get out of the city, so it’s been great for us.

Deceased Landlord’s Son: Do you guys still have your chickens?

Me: Yep. If you would’ve looked over at the right time, you would’ve seen us chasing them all over the yard trying to pen them back up before the country music festival*.

Deceased Landlord’s grandson (who looks A LOT like a stoner): Yeah, you’ll probably see me at the farm a lot more now. I drive a black truck, just so you know.

Me: Okay, so don’t throw eggs at it?

DEAD SILENCE. (Ha! Get it? It’s more inappropriateness!)

Deceased landlord’s grandson turns away, Deceased landlord’s son smiles weirdly. And I move on to the next family member.

So even though everyone was laughing and joking at the visitation, apparently I crossed the line when I talked about throwing eggs.

IT WAS A JOKE PEOPLE.

On a side note- it’s still a mystery as to why deceased landlord’s grandson will be spending more time at the farm. There’s a big, old barn, but the fields are share-cropped out, so maybe he’s looking for a new place to get stoned? He said it like he was daring me to tell him he couldn’t be out at the farm. Who knows.

*The country music festival is a little festival that our landlord and his wife would put on in the area next to our house. They usually have 250 or so people show up.

? Best Previous Post Comment Quote:

“It’s not like you answered the phone and said “Hey, Mr. C’s mom! EFF OFF!” and hung up.” -Slynnro