The Cubicle’s Backporch

The weekly Cubicle’s Backporch Reality show:

**For those who don’t know, I’m trying to sell my family into a reality show. For now they are just blog fodder.**

**And yes, all events are real. (Or real as relayed to me)**

 (Click here to see Episode 1)

Me (age: 24): Mr. C’s ex-girlfriend (the one who poses nude on the internet) sent him a text saying she just wants to be friends with him… and she wouldn’t mind being friends with him AND me.

Ahh….I can see the three of us frolicking at the lake…we could take turns getting each other icy beverages. We could all three go to the movies, with Mr. C in the middle, holding both of our hands through scary parts. I would leave work early to surprise them both with dinner one night… only to find her and him in my bed*. I would go into a rage, grab the biggest kitchen knife we have and proceed to slash away.

Now, Mr. C’s ex…. friendship doesn’t seem like such a good idea, DOES IT?!

(*- I do not think Mr. C would fall into her clutches again, I’m just trying to prove a point… no good can come of the three of us being friends!)

Madeline (age: 23): She wrote a new blog on Myspace about what a horrible mom our mom is. Seriously. Mom found it and printed it out and read it to me. She talks about how mom didn’t cry at my grandpa’s funeral (my mom didn’t cry at her own mothers funeral… people deal with death differently) and how she’ s a cold-hearted bitch. She says that all my mom does is sleep all day, go to work, then go out to eat with my dad and get drunk. Um… hello? Her youngest kid is 11 years old. I guess Madeline wanted our mom to get up and make HER kids breakfast so she could sleep in. (And for the record, my mom gets up and gets my siblings ready for school in the mornings, so no, she does not sleep all day)

My mom said that my sister is dead to her. And at this point, I really don’t blame her. You don’t talk about your own mother on myspace where your cousins and whatnot can read it. It’s disrespectful.

That being said, there are some things in families that don’t need to be spread to the world. If she decides to start laying shit out on the line, I have the money to take drastic measures. L-A-W-Y-E-R.

Mikayla (age: 20): She still seems to be dating her verbally abusive boyfriend and baby daddy of kid #2. I’m still hoping that she realizes that she deserves so much better. Case in point:

Her boyfriend calls her from his work to tell her to pick him up some lunch. She tells him that it’s cold outside and the kids are sick and she doesn’t want to take them out in the cold. He throws a fit and again, TELLS her to bring him some food. She finally agrees.

She gets him Subwad and takes it to his work. He calls her on her way home to tell her that he threw the sandwich away because it wasn’t cut like he wanted it.

Enough Said.

It remains to be seen if she will go with the family to Myrtle Beach this year since her ‘boyfriend’ is not invited.

Jasmine (age 19): She wrote this about me on her blog (only initials were listed) I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did to make you dislike me the way you do…I honest don’t. I’m glad you are successful and happy with your life. But I want things to get better between us… I hate when we are in the same room and it still feels like there is something wrong…

She was right. I wrote her back and told her that I don’t know why things are strained between us, probably because since she and Madeline were close at one point, I assumed that she looked at me as a stuck-up-thinks-she’s-perfect-bitch. A bitch, I am… but I do not think I’m perfect and I’m only stuck up if I don’t like you. Regardless, I put out the olive branch and she wrote me back to say that she is planning on going back to school. I will probably still have to push. A little.

She also mentioned that after a 6-month hiatus from the working world, she starts working (in May) as a camp counselor at the YMCA. I hope they pay $20.00 an hour b/c girl needs to save some money.

Leslie (age 17): She got her ACT scores. They were really low. Much lower than I expected. So I told her that I am going to look for ACT study books for her to be going over. I’m going to take her on some college-visiting days next year (during her senior year). I don’t want her to not go to college like my other three sisters have done. I should have been more involved with them, so I’m trying to be better with Leslie. She has some interest in engineering… but with her low math scores… well, let’s just say that Engineering schools don’t care if you can spell words correctly. (They want you to be able to take numbers and produce magic with them!)

Sam (age 14): He went with his friend to Florida for Spring Break. I can’t help wondering if there was boob-flashing and random make-out sessions for them. My brother is too young for that!!

Tags: My family, My Life, reality show

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 15th, 2008 at 9:34 am and is filed under Family, The BP Reality Show. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.