If there’s one way to forget that you’re minus a job AND that your ex-company forgot to pay you as they promised to do as part of your ’severance package’, it’s to pack up, jump in a friend’s car (or more specifically JFriend’s car) along with two of your friend’s sisters and head down to Gatlinburg (or as it turns out, Pigeon Forge) Tennessee. Around here, Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge is a nice place to head for the weekend.
So, that’s where we headed to celebrate the fact that JFriend FINALLY graduated college.
The cabin we stayed in a was small, but it was warm, had a shower, a hottub, AND a fridge for the liquor so all was well.
After we unpacked, we decided to head to the grocery store and it took us no fewer than 30 minutes to get down the damn mountain. Seriously. Her cousin had a ‘right’ turn instead of a ‘left’ so we did a circle about four times going “What the fuck?” and passing a guy unloading groceries no fewer than four times who, on the fourth go round gave us a ‘Look at the poor dipshits who can’t get down the mountain’ wave. We also passed an elderly couple in a car who shared the same bewildered expressions we did but we didn’t wave to them for fear if the old man took one hand off the wheel they would either a.) fall off the side of the road which would lead to a tumble down the mountain, or b.) ram into us.
After getting down the mountain (and my Garmin was totally present during all this and the only thing SHE wanted me to do was turn into a driveway which she claimed was “Kristin Way” or something like that. No, Garmin, it wasn’t.) we did our grocery shopping then tried to get back UP the mountain.
Which turned out to be, like totally hard. So hard, in fact that we wound up 3000 feet in the air with GREAT VIEWS. Like this one:
Beautiful. And the cabin you see there in the right? It’s called Lasting Impressions (in Pigeon Forge, TN) and is booked through February 2010. Here’s another fabulous view:
So, we kept climbing this damn mountain (b/c Garmin SAID SO) thinking that maybe there was a road that would lead us back down the other side. Meanwhile, we passed another even BETTER view, but my phone rings and after my secretary, JFriend, screened the call (If it was a recruiter, I wanted them to think I had ‘people’), it ended up being my ex-job who called to tell me that my bonus would be a week late getting to my account. But, like I said, I missed that view.
At this point, JFriend is getting cranky claiming that we’re lost. I poo-poo her nonsense claiming that we are just looking for great VIEWS. Here’s one from the almost-top of the mountain:
My poor little camera doesn’t do the views justice. We were VERY high up.
Finally, Garmin tells us to turn left on a road, then proceeds to tell us to make a u-turn and go back down the damn mountain. At this point, I’m thinking Garmin is in cahoots with the oil companies. (”Ah-ha!” the Garmin would shout. “I’ll take them up the mountain, then back down!”)
But we finally make it back to the cabin, I get drunk on Beam and Canada Dry (really, you must try it) and after a quick dip in the hottub, ended up going to bed at 11:00. I know, but if I stayed up I would’ve wanted to drink and if I drank anymore, I would’ve THROWN UP.
The next day, after a quick stop at The Apple Barn (Where I purchased 6 bottles of apple-y wine) we headed to Gatlinburg to scour the shops and satisfy JFriend’s one wish: To ride the Gatlinburg ski lift up the damn mountain. We paid $13.00 (that place is making a freakin KILLIN) and got on this lift which is when I decided that there are some things that change as you get older- like you develop a fear of DYING. More specificially, a fear of DYING after the ski lift malfunctions and sends you careening down the fuckin’ mountain. Here is the view going up the mountain:
Yes. That shit is steep.
Anyways- we get to the top of the mountain and peruse the gift shop (I didn’t buy anything, I’ll be damned if I was going to fall down the mountain with a shot glass jabbing me in the side the whole time) then head back down.
On the way down, I realized going down is much better. I could plan my fall rather than just take it.
So we made it down the mountain, finished walking the shops (cookies and cream fudge is my weakness) and headed back to the cabin.
JFriend’s youngest sister is one helluva cook, by the way.
Anyways, so on Sunday, we got up at the ass-crack of dawn and were all in high spirits that we’d be getting back home early. Then we ran into a wreck in the mountains. The previous days rain combined with the current days freezing temperatures had caused ice on the road and lots, LOTS of fog… which had led to two wrecks with a combined total of 40 cars involved. Yeah, craziness. So we sat in the same spot for 3 hours (no shit) and amused ourselves by watching people climb the mountain to relieve themselves- one of who was an older man who didn’t quite understand that when you turn you back parallel to traffic, some cars can see your wang- including one full of 4 giggling females. Ahem.
But, the weekend is over and now it’s back to job searching. And calling my ex-job to see why they didn’t pay me. Yay.
Back half of the ship
